Here's a few things to tell ya if ur a Yuppie or not...
If you drink cappucino instead of beer.
If you cant figure out why the battery on your new bike won't stay charged.
If your trailer has more miles on it than your bike
If your leathers still have creases
If you don't ride your bike to work because it scuffs your penny loafers.
If you move your bike and the grass is brown under the wheels.
If your tatoos wash off.
If you have doubled the weight of your bike with bolt on chrome.
If you have never kick started a bike before.
If you buy bikes as investments.
If you refer to your bike as your "toy".
If you wear a full face helmet
If you wear a helmet
If you wear earplugs
If you really believe that there are bikes that come customized from the factory
If the last time you went to the Harley dealer you came home with golfballs and a toilet seat
If your Harley shirt has a coller
If its not fun to ride unless someone sees you
If you don't ride in the rain
If you can't find your oil filter
If you think any motorcycle is too loud
If your poneytail comes off with your cap
If you leave your garagedoor open just so people can see your bike
If you need a biker lingo book
If your a HOG member and think your an outlaw
If you think a wrench is a bitchy woman
If when you buy your bike you start calling everyone "bro"
If you stop 30 miles from Sturgis to unload your bike so you can ride in
If you think the models in the catalogs are what bikers are suppose to look like
If you worry about what bikers are suppose to look like
If you read VQ
If other people you consider bikers scare you
IF you paint your office nick-name (like EasyRider or Bad-Ass) on your Bell open face helemet.
if you paid for your new FXSTC in 24 months or less.
if you complained about the "smell and fumes" near the back of your last group ride.
if you won't ride unless it's a group ride.
if everyone on your last group ride works at your law firm, or plays golf with you.
if you've ever said "Isn't it too cold/wet/hot/dry/dark to ride?"
if the only reason you have a scooter is because your brother is C&W singer Doug Stone and he gave you his old hog.
you carry a cam-corder instead of a knife
If your saddlebags have a special pocket for your cell phone
You read this page & say hey I do that!
Your only scoot has been a Knucklehead & u don't even know what that is.
You put newspaper under your scoot to catch da drippins.
When u pull in da driveway you hit da button on da garage door opener (hmmmm not a bad idea)
Other bikers at da bar say, "who's that?"
Bikers check out your scoot & say man dat boys got way to much money!
If your jeans have a crease.
If your jeans are clean, in fact, if any spot on you is clean.
You take your scoot in fer an oil change.
You think fringe is a mandantory accessory on your leathers.
You try to look like a biker.
You try to act like a biker.
You've ever stopped at a red light & forgot to put a foot down (sober).
You run into the bros & they say hey lets go here & u have to call home to check first.
You belly up to the bar and ask for a Heineken
The only time you've thrown up is when you've had the flu or just had too many veggie fajitas
You've never been in a fight with more than one of anything
You think brown sugar is something that goes into Mom's cookies
Your leathers shine
Your boots cost more than you spend on gas in two months
You think a chain is sumpin you wear around your neck.
You think a missing link is a human race thing.
You think a wristpin is sumpin you wear on your wrist.
If bikers give you a nickname something like PUD and u think its cool.
If you have lil eagles on all your clothes.
If you read this page & get pissed!!!
The two most important items in your toolkit are gojo and a manicure kit.
You think that's actually a *suntan* that makes real bikers so dark-skinned.
When your scoot doesn't start, your first thought is "how do I get it to a shop?"
You ride a Harley and drive a toyota, bmw, lexus, etc, ad nauseum...
You might be a yuppie biker if you're reading this page and taking notes on how to be more like a real biker.
Rick Straube aka Lord Cruiser