Why I Ride

I was sitting at my desk about 02:30 with a 45 locked and loaded in my left hand, trying to figure out a good reason not to blow my brains all over the bright white paint of my bedroom. You see when I came home from the military I left something behind and got some new stuff I really did not want. The PTSD is a bitch.

I miss my brothers still serving, the comradeship, the bull shit, well you get the idea. The v.a. docs did what they could, but mostly what they could do is lock me in a room and make sure I had nothing sharp to play with. I know it sounds strange but I felt more at home their than at home with the wife, the home life was shit her teenage son spent his time tormenting me for some reason, maybe he was pissed I was banging his mom and she kissed him with that mouth. 

Well anyway that day I had my normal biweekly head shrinking and my doc, who I had gotten to know pretty well said” you have to get moving or your gonna die” either sleep yourself to death or find a quick exit but you gotta get moving.

Well as you can tell from the first line I did not have any good answers. I had agoraphobia which is a fancy way of saying I was a hermit, staying inside all day afraid to go anywhere. I had tried to get into the army but was told I was a little too  damaged for them. The best years of my life had been spent in the military, I had value then, now just another crazy vet.

So I started figuring, lets say there is 150 good days a year, nice weather, happy, well you get the idea. If you wipe out the first 15 because you are a kid and anything over 65 is kinda down hill. (I know different for different people) that leaves 50 good years, that breaks down to 7500 good days now I had already spent 4050 of those days and as a friend used to say your best day was yesterday so that cuts into the quality factor so lets say roughly 3000 good days left.

So I ask doc what the fuck?? He said do what you love. Ok well my life at home sucked, I was trapped in a dead end life, lost my friends to cancer lost my horse to some weird disease.

So I made a list what did I use to like. 1. Chasing women 2. Traveling 3. Bikes. 4. Lifting weights. 5. Good food and good friends.

So I talked to the old lady and said this shit must change #1 your deadbeat son needs to move out (bastered broke my arm twice) she said stop their, he stays you go so I did.

Bought a r.v. and a 02 sporty and walked away from it all, well except for the monthly alimony check. She sold all my stuff fucked up the credit and and cuddled up with her baby boy.

 Well I went for a ride today, knees in the breeze, about 80 degrees , livin free and keeping the b.s. to the minimum.

Looking for a old lady, maybe, depends on the b.s. factor. Going on the road for awhile don’t know if I have 1 more day or 10,000 with Viagra and a Harley I should always be able to do at least 2 of the things I love for a long time.

See you in the wind..horse